


We'll Meet Again

by Honey_Rae_Pluto, softnsquishable



Category: Queen (Band)
Genre: Cancer, Character Death, Illnesses, Love, M/M, Mentions of Cancer, Mpreg, Pregnancy, Sad Ending, Terminal Illnesses, slight ghosts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-14
Updated: 2020-10-14
Packaged: 2021-03-08 21:47:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,192
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27013744
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Honey_Rae_Pluto/pseuds/Honey_Rae_Pluto, https://archiveofourown.org/users/softnsquishable/pseuds/softnsquishable
Summary: At the beginning of what was meant to be a dream pregnancy, the start of their new lives and the dawn of a new forever, Roger gets some terrible news.***MAJOR CHARACTER DEATH, DO NOT READ IF THIS IS TRIGGERING***
Relationships: Brian May/Roger Taylor
Comments: 8
Kudos: 27





	We'll Meet Again

**Author's Note:**

> Hello dears,
> 
> I can't iterate enough, this is not going to have a massively happy ending, medically this is on shaky ground too, but bare with it.
> 
> I am so sorry,  
> Pluto
> 
> xxx

...and here's your mum," Brian stuck the camera in Roger's face, "You be good to him, best mum in all the world and we've only known about you for two days. Still he's the best mummy ever, and you're the best kid. Well best microscopic peanut anyway."

Roger chuckled softly and pushed the camera away. "Why are you doing this to me?"

"Want baby to know how much we love them, even before they're born. Could play ‘em this when they get older," Brian told him, still filming, "Because we do love you kid. Me and your mama love you "

"And we'll never fail to remind you," Roger added, softly rubbing his tummy.

"Never ever," Brian agreed from behind the camera, "It's October nineteenth, by the way. So far you're only a little five week bump, but you'll get bigger."

"Not even a bump. We got a few more months for that." He smiled up at him. "It's gonna be a long wait. But it'll be worth it.'

"One hundred percent," Brian nodded, putting his hand on top of Roger's on his tummy, zooming in on it, "Baby is worth everything in the world."

Roger nodded, glancing at Brian again. "I love you, babe."

"I love you too, so, so much." Brian told him, shutting off the camera, "I love you beyond words."

Roger reached up and gave his hand a little squeeze, blowing him a kiss.

Brian settled next to Roger, hands immediately on him, "I still can't believe you're pregnant. Our little baby is in there. A mix of us ready to become a tiny person full of love."

"I can hardly believe it," he agreed with a sweet smile. "I've been waiting for this to happen, you know.

"Me too," Brian told him, "I can't wait to meet our baby, and see you with them and carry on filming all the little moments for them, and their future siblings."

"This is the beginning of something wonderful," he agreed.

***

Roger adjusted a little bit on the table. They were meant to be waiting for prints. But this was taking a really long while. He looked up at Brian, playing with his hand.

Brian shrugged, it had been ages now and still no sign of anything happening. Eight weeks was too early for any problems with the baby to show up. What could go wrong? 

"Mr Taylor ?" The doctor let himself into the room, "We have a result for your blood work."

"...alright." Roger sat up a bit. "Is something the matter?'

They both could see the look on the doctor’s face.

Something was wrong.

"There's a rare form of cancer in the blood cells. You could do treatment now and increase your chances, but we'd need to terminate the pregnancy immediately," The doctor told him, a sad look crossing his face, "That's the recommended option."

Roger's face fell. How could this have happened? Why now? It was all happening too soon. And now he had this decision to face? "...will the baby survive if I withhold the treatment?"

"It's not genetic, they won't get it from you," he nodded, "But your body will start failing soon without treatment. You'd likely not make it as far as your due date. If you abort now you can potentially get up to eighteen months."

Roger shook his head. "I'm going to be keeping the baby."

"We'll pass your information onto the team at the maternity ward," the doctor nodded, "If you would both like five minutes alone I'll just be in the hallway."

"Yes, please." Roger nodded and sat back a bit. This was a big thing, and Brian had been very quiet.

Brian looked up at him, a strange look on his face like he'd been following along without wanting to. "...I'm going to lose you..."

"I… I know, babe..." He closed his eyes. "Please don't be upset. It's just a few months versus giving our baby up...'

"But they'd be a few more months with you," Brian frowned, he wasn't sure why but speaking as if it was so certain felt like more of a punch than the actual news. "You could get an all clear at the end of it, we could have other babies, we could do anything... But you need to be here..."

Roger shook his head. "They said eighteen months max. There won't be time for other babies."

"Roger..." Brian looked at him, he didn't want to let go of the baby, he didn't want to let go of him either. They had plans. For all three of them. 

It had to be all three of them.

"Baby, I'm sorry." He held his hand, blinking away years.  
Tears

Brian shook his head, staying calmer than he'd expected. Or it hadn't fully dawned on him yet. "We'll work it out, something will give."

"Right. Of course." He wiped his eyes. "Can… Can I get a hug?:

Brian pulled him in immediately. How many more hugs would they get? Was there a number now? A countdown to everything in their lives? "I love you, don't you ever forget that, okay? I love you and peanut."

"I love you too," he told him softly. "I love you so, so, so much." He was quite shaky at that point.

"I'll take care of you, no matter what," Brian told him, "I'll make sure you and baby get every single little thing you need"

Roger kissed his cheek and nodded, clinging onto him for now. He needed to settle down.

Brian rubbed his back, he didn't know what he could even say. Roger was ill. They weren't going to get that fairytale ending. He could lose them both.

It was quiet the rest of the day. They didn't even know what to say after that.

That night Brian pulled him in, right against his chest, hand feeling for Roger's heartbeat. He wasn't going to lose him. Not ever. There'll be some miracle or misdiagnosis or something. 

There had to be.

Roger pet his hair quietly. He knew how bleak it looked and he didn't really want to die either. Maybe there was a tiny chance.

*** 

"Hey baby," Brian was filming again, sat cross legged on the bed where Roger was lying. "You're a proper bump now, love, our sunshine... It's not so good now but we'll make it through, okay? The three of us."

Roger smiled just a little, hand cupping the swell. Brian was gonna keep up the footage. Well, he felt he deserved it now. This might be the only way the baby knew him.

"It's nearly Christmas now, you'll love Christmas; all the bright lights and warmth." Brian continued, reaching out to Roger's hand, "We'll have to take them to the Santa's grotto when they're older."

"I'm sure they'll love it," he agreed. "Might be a few years before they can enjoy it, though.

"We can keep them all wrapped up warm until then, little festive hat or something," Brian nodded, "Dunno how old you'll be when you see this, but I hope the Christmases you remember were lovely."

"Yes, lots of good memories." Roger closed his eyes. "Can I get to napping now, dear? That's sort of why I came to lay down.”

"Alright then," Brian cut the camera off, lounging out next to Roger, offering him space between his arms, "Head still aching?"

He nodded. "Yeah, babe. Doctor said it's pretty normal.

"I wish there was more I could do," Brian admitted, "I can bring you some tea if you want."

He shook his head. "I'm just tired, babe. I'm gonna get some sleep."

"I'll be here when you wake up, love," Brian promised, pulling the blanket over him, "I'm not going anywhere."

Roger smiled and gave him a little kiss on the cheek.

Brian rubbed his shoulder, letting Roger doze off. They'd have to get the nursery done soon, whenever Roger was better. And they had to do some shopping too, baby so far only owned one little babygrow. Buy that could wait, he'd wait.

Roger knew they didn't realistically have a lot of time. He'd have to gear himself up one of these days.

***

"Babe, slow down a little." He walked down the stairs, stopping at the bottom of the stairs to catch his breath. His hand was supporting the bottom of the bump, which was quite sizable now.

"Sorry," Brian back tracked, sliding an arm around him, "I was just thinking about the stuff you know, all the things we've still got to get, pram and sleeper and toys."

"I know you're excited and all, but it's early. Shops are open all day." He took a few steps towards the car with him.

"I know, just wanna have a look around though, browse our choices a bit," Brian helped him in, "We have to get one of those tummy time mats too, and a rocking chair for you."

"You mean for you." He poked him. "You know it's a waste getting anything for me. I'm not gonna come home from the hospital, Brian.'

"No it's not. You'll come home. You will." Brian looked almost offended, "You'll be such a good mum too."

"Brian, don't do this." Roger crossed his arms.

"Do what? You'll come home to us, you'll be there. I know you will."

"I… I won't be, Brian." Roger blinked back tears. "Please. Please don't do this."

"You will though," Brian repeated, hoping desperately that this wouldn't turn into an argument, "I don't know what I'd do otherwise."

"Brian, you have to know! You have to take care of our child!" Roger ran his hands through his hair. "How can you not know?"

"Cause you're asking me to imagine a world without you and I can't!" Brian snapped back, "I can't do that... We've been together since we were in highschool, I can't do a world without you."

"Well it's coming, Bri," he hissed. "And you have to be ready. You HAVE to." He stepped back, putting a hand over his mouth as he trembled, tears spilling down his face. "You have to accept it. It's… I can't go on pretending.

"Accepting that the baby might not know you..." Brian looked down, studying his thumb, "I don't want that."

"I'm sorry." He chewed his lip. "We don't have any choice.

"They might find something, a way to cure you," Brian commented, "Just keep hoping "

"Brian. I've got six weeks." Roger rubbed his side. "I'm only hopeful for the little one.

"Fuck the shopping then, I've got a better idea," Brian looked at him again.

"...what is it?" He was sort of nervous now.

"The beach. Same old bench we went on our first date, same place I proposed, same place you told me you were pregnant. Our place."

Roger nodded. They could get the nursery stuff on Prime later. "Sounds good to me.

Brian drove them the short distance to the sands. It wasn't a nice day out, wind sweeping through and sea choppy. It didn't matter though. He helped Roger out and to the bench in front of the sea, holding him close against the cold. "I'll tell them all about you if you can't..."

"Your videos will help," he told him. "Even if I don't really want them to think mama was sick or they were hurting mama.'

"You could always film your own, or letters. I've done letters just in case I'm ever not there for a big event."

"I've done a few," he admitted. "But I didn't want you to be upset, so I hadn't said anything yet.

"Don't worry about me, I'll be fine. This is about you and baby," Brian insisted, "You do whatever you feel you need to, I'll love you no matter "

Roger smiled softly and squeezed his hand. "I'm so glad I'm with you, Brian. No matter how long or short I have left, I want it to be with you."

Brian nodded, keeping strong for him. He had to. "I'm not going to leave you, you'll always have my heart. I'll hold your hand forever if I have to."

He smiled softly and kissed his cheek. "I love you. So much.

"... Do you wanna pick a name for the baby?" Brian asked quietly, "Just in case..."

"We can think about it together," he told him. "But we'll have one set aside, just in case.

"Anything you want, I want you to be there as much as possible," Brian nodded. He didn't want to think about it, but there would be a time when it would just be him and the baby and a large hole in their lives. "I bet you they'll be just like you too."

"A little blonde fireball that has existential crises about the universe." He chuckled softly. "I can imagine.

"They'll be surrounded by toy cars and cuddly animals," Brian smiled, "We can buy them a Hornby set, proper edition one "

Roger nodded. "You should get them a kitten or two.

"When they're bigger yeah," Brian agreed, "I'll get them the world if I could."

"They're gonna be a very happy camper with you as their daddy.

"I can only hope so," Brian doubted it. He had no idea how to do it without Roger. "They'll still have you, even if from a distance."

Roger nodded and squeezed his hand again, closing his eyes. It definitely wouldn't be long.

Brian held him for a while, watching the sea quietly. Six weeks is all they had and it wasn't enough. It would never be enough.

***

"Baby stay with me now, you can do this," Brian kissed over his knuckles, "Baby is nearly here."

Roger took a few deep breaths, or tried to. He felt so short of breath. "How...How much longer? Not long, right?'

"Any time now," Brian told him. There was hours perhaps less until Roger left them and there was no going back. "You'll be able to meet the little one soon. Meet our child."

"I can't wait for you to hold them," he breathed. "To see them and kiss them and feel them and all.

"You'll get that too," not for long enough... "You'll get to hold them first, and kiss them and hug them."

"Tell me the names again… both genders." He was trying to think about them and not how he felt.

"James Luther if it's a boy, Clara Daisy if it's a girl, yeah?" Brian told him, "You wanna change them?"

Roger shook his head. "Those are fine, love.

"I brought the two little going home outfits too, depending on what gender they are. I figured the other one can be mixed with something else."

He smiled softly. "They're gonna look perfect in it, babe."

"And there's the muslin cloths you picked out, keep them nice and warm in the car," Brian told him, "and that little bobble hat you liked."

"They'll be extra darling in it," he agreed. "The mittens for their tiny claws and the socks for their tiny toes.

"I won't forget, love, I'll have everything perfect for them. For you."

Roger held his hands. "I love you so much. Never forget. But don't be afraid to fall in love if it happens.'

"I'm only ever going to love you," Brian insisted. This felt like a prelude. Like the second to last page, "I made that promise on our wedding day and I'll keep it forever. I couldn't do otherwise even if I wanted to."

He pursed his lips a little. "Babe, really. It's okay."

"I'm going to stay honest to you," Brian nodded, "Anyway, I've got a very special thing to look after."

"You do," he agreed softly. "Your little munchkin.'

"Our little munchkin," Brian shook his head, "You'll always be their mumma. No one can ever replace that."

Roger nodded and took a few deep breaths. "I think we need the doctor, honey."

"Right," Brian reached over to press the call button. This was it then.

Roger stayed close, holding tight to Brian as he delivered their baby. As weak as he was, nothing was deterring him. Their little boy was in their arms before too long, plump and healthy, with a very strong cry.

"Hey James, baby," Brian was trying to hold them both, trying to be there for the first and last moments. "Roger he's beautiful... Thank you."

Roger nodded, holding him close in his arms. "He is a beautiful boy," he agreed, tracing his cheek with his hand gently.

"Just like his mum," Brian told him, for just a moment it was okay. They were a normal couple for that moment. "I love you so, so much."

"I love you too, babe." Roger kissed him gently, looking back at the baby again. "I love you, James. My boy. Take care of daddy."

Brian smiled, tears running freely down his face. "I'm gonna look after both of you, okay? For as long as it takes."

Roger nodded and squeezed his hand. "I'll be looking after you too," he promised.

"Okay," Brian nodded numbly. They had to get the baby cleaned up, Roger too for what it was worth. But he knew Roger wasn't going to be able to hold on forever.

Roger quietly rested in Brian's arms, letting the nurses do their work and look after James. The little infant was returned bundled up in a blanket, and set back in Roger's arms again. Roger kissed his forehead. "You're such a beautiful boy. I'm so lucky to be your mummy.'

Brian moved back, getting a couple of photos. They'd have something at least. He clicked film quietly, just to catch the little nothings so James could look back on it.

Roger was so in love with the tiny thing already. He was having trouble believing he'd have to say goodbye. But he could go happily because his baby was there, and healthy. "I hope you know how much I love you, Jim. Daddy will remind you."

"Of course I will, darling. Every day." Brian told him, "I love you both too... So much."

"We love you too." Roger looked up at him. "Another kiss for me?"

He lent in kissing Roger's cheek, then his lips. God knows how many times they'd do that. Not many, if any. He cut the recording there, James didn't need to see what happened next, even if they both sort of knew.

It was only a few more minutes after that, not even fifteen. He was leaning on Brian when it happened, a hand still on James' chest (he had been transferred to Brian's arms).

Brian watched him go, telling him the whole time how much he loved him, how much he would look after their baby, eventually descending into half sobs quietly. James fussed against him, but there wasn't much comfort he could give him.

Roger did at least look peaceful, as cliche as it was to say. He almost could've been asleep, still a bit of glow from the baby about him and all. They did remove Brian and James from the room after a bit, to take Roger off. It would be an unhappy time of arrangements and packing things up and trying to adjust to being a single father for James, but everything would settle eventually. 

***

It was about six months in when the world started to make a bit more sense. It still hurt, he still had the momentary breakdowns. But he was just concentrating on the best thing Roger left him. 

James. 

"Come on buddy," Brian coaxed, waving a spoon of baby food near him, "Here comes the Choo Choo train."

James watched him, fascinated, so fascinated in fact that he took the bite into his mouth with no problem, flashing him a smile after (which did cause a bit of food to leak out). But it was good stuff, he liked it.

"Good boy," Brian praised, a smile breaking across his face. "You're just like your mama, you know."

"ma-ma," he repeated suddenly, patting on his tray. He didn't know what he was saying of course.

"That's right, just like your mama," Brian nodded, lip trembling just a little. He looked around him then, almost as if he felt a presence. But no, it was just him and James. "Beautiful boy."

James smiled and kept eating his mush, watching his daddy with big blue eyes. It was almost worse that he took after Roger so closely.

Brian finished up feeding him, still looking behind his shoulder from time to time. There were always days he expected Roger to just come into the room and start talking. "How about we go to the beach today? You wanna get some ice cream on the pier with me Jim Jam?"

Jimmy nodded quickly. He did seem to like the beach, getting his little toes in the water and sand.

Brian packed some pieces together, keeping Jim in his arms the whole time, safely clipping him into the car before they got to the seaside. Jimmy couldn’t walk yet, but with someone holding his arms he could sort of stagger, so that's what Brian let him do, just on the edges, remembering the times he'd been here before.

Jimmy was babbling on about the world around him, squealing and laughing whenever the chilly ocean got to his feet. It was a nice time just seeing him be so joyful.

Brian let him play until he got tired, carefully drying him off and putting him into cozy new clothes, tucking the baby into his jacket slightly to keep him warm. "He loved you so much Jim, your mummy, he loved you more than anything. Still does."

"Mama," he said in a sleepy way, looking out towards the sun sparkling on the water. Brian could always see Roger getting his feet wet, enjoying the cool down of the day.

"We met at school, just up the road from here," Brian told him, "Just little kids at the time, but we'd come here a lot. Then we went here for a date, only fourteen years old but we knew it would last. I was going to ask him out, but I got distracted, he beat me to it. Always quick your mum... Drove back hours through the night just to propose here, up on the hill, stars in his hair... Got married just in town, the sea was so visible from the windows. I found out about you on the sand, just by the harbour. Cried then too. We came here just before you were born, last time he came here..." Brian adjusted the baby, now asleep on him, leaning back into back felt almost like a touch. "We left his ashes to the sea here. Just like he wanted... I miss him too."

The breeze ruffled their hair, warm and gentle. It was almost comforting, like Roger knew he was there.

Like he WAS there.

"I love you..." Brian whispered, eyes closed. "... Let's get you home, eh Jim Jam? Let's get you home."

***

He'd called Jimmy that day, just to talk, remind him he was loved and that he always would be. Jim had laughed, he was an old man now. Still, he always let his papa dote on him. He called the grand kids too, just checking up on everyone, seeing how their families and commitments were going, telling them all he loved them too. He didn't know why. It just felt right. Would've called Roger too if he could've, but it had been over sixty years since he lost him. He got himself ready for bed slowly, getting himself into his side so he was facing Roger's empty one, closing his eyes to try to get some sleep.

"Look at you." It was definitely Roger's voice. He looked exactly as Brian remembered him: Same sweet smile, same playful tone, big blue eyes. He was glowing too, just a bit. Probably the etherealness of it all. "You've really gotten old, Brimi. But quite gracefully so. I knew you;d be a handsome silver fox, and now you're a cloudy poodle.”

Brian looked up at him, instinctively leaning into him, touching him for the first time in decades. "Our sunshine's all grown up, love, he's beautiful, our boy.”

"I've been keeping an eye on him," Roger nodded. "You and him and all the little tinies he made. It's really something else. I wish I could've experienced it WITH you. But I'm really proud of you. You've been amazing."

"I never stopped loving you," Brian told him, "I still love you."

"I still love you too." He held his hand. "I just don't want you to be lonely, love. You have me. And you're almost ready to get some proper rest yourself.

"Sounds about right," Brian nodded, not really noticing his age started to match Roger's as if the last sixty years hadn't happened, "You'll be here when I fall asleep?"

"Of course." He smiled softly. "And every moment after too."

"Lovely," Brian curled into him some more, "I love you..."

"I love you too, Brimi." Roger smiled softly, pressing a kiss to the top of his head. "Now and forever."


End file.
